Tash Fett [Game Day 61]
I wish to begin this journal entry by stating that I still do have difficulties expressing myself and my emotion which is why I started writing my journal. I have decided to have a personal and a public journal if anyone wishes to read it.
One thing that continues to bother me is how Gin allowed his crew to beat on him after the mole incident. My training as a soldier and understanding of such discipline and chain of command flies completely in the face of this. Gin tried to explain how it was for morale of the crew but I still have difficulty reconciling this.
I have found these past two months most liberating. I was trained most of my life to not want or desire anything but to train and follow orders. When becoming Gin’s apprentice I simply continued as I had been brought up. These past two months though I have been on a road of self-discovery of what I desire and want, to have free will. Gin has been most patient with me despite several of my floundering and I do appreciate this.
Gin has expressed to me a paternal feeling for me. I have difficulty putting words to how I care for him but I do very much. I do hope he knows this.
I am concerned with myself however that in my endeavors to find who I am I may be becoming rebellious and insolent. I will need to be careful with this however I am sure I will make many mistakes. When one first begins to learn this is inevitable. I do hope that Gin, mother and the rest of the crew will not take offence and will continue to support me.