Tash Fett [Game day 33]
The past 34 hours have been very emotionally taxing on me. The love of my life tells me she is leaving. I find out that Redd truly is my mother which means that I really am a clone. The love of my life left. I killed 70 people.
Let me begin with Ana leaving. I had so very much hoped she would change her mind and stay with me. I know this was a false hope but sometimes you need hope. I felt so happy when I was with her. Now that she is gone I feel a great sadness in me where all that happiness was.
My mother. I am just glad the certainty is finally cleared up. Both her and master Gin seemed a bit odd at my acceptance of this clarity. She has yet to vocally claim me as daughter, but then this also confirms that I am indeed a clone. For all the stigma that I have been able to understand about them I am not really surprised at her reaction. I hold no ill will toward her for not being around to raise me, after all she was a victim of genetic thievery. I do hope that one day she will be able to accept me for what I am much as I have accepted her as my mother.
Just a few hours ago master Gin and I attacked the smuggler we had been hunting. I must confess to feeling pride that master trusted me to plan and lead this assault. While I believe I did a good job of planning and executing the assault there were a few surprises including a small garrison of Imperial soldiers and three Sith. We did prevail thanks to some quick actions by master to counter the Sith threat. It was a very bloody battle and I myself killed 70 people. Mother probably thinks I am in here right now jumping in joy at my slaughter. I spent 20 minutes in the refresher in just my battle armor trying to get all the blood off. It then caught me that any number of the 40 stormtroopers may have been my genetic brothers and I barely got my helmet off before throwing up violently. It took me another 10 minutes to get my sobbing under control.
Today may well have been the most miserable day in my life. I so miss Ana, I really need her right now.
But Ana is gone. Master, mother and the rest of the crew are probably expecting a jubilant Tash in the aftermath of such a successful victory. I have asked Chef to prepare nachos and other snack and party food in the hanger in another half hour. I will bring down a box of fine scotch and grin stupidly and tell stories of master and our great victory today and how we slaughtered our enemies. And with every drink in celebration, inwardly it will be to the loss of Ana and the death of my fallen brothers which I killed.
Today I was a reaper, a killer, a weapon. Just as it turns out I was designed to be. No wonder mother does not wish to claim me.
A glorious day of victory indeed.